Merry Zombie Jesus Day

Ahhhh….Easter.  Gotta love those religious holidays that just don’t seem to make much sense.  I am just glad that it doesn’t fall during football season or it would be fucking up a perfectly good Sunday of football.

I don’t even really understand Easter either.  I mean this is supposed to be celebrating the day Jesus (click that link…love that Jesus is on Twitter) was resurrected, right?  So why is this a “moveable feast” day?   We “obviously” have pinpointed the date of Jesus’ birth so why can’t we get a grip on the date of the beginning of his Undeath?

Easter is also the only day of the year where my family has Ham for dinner.  Ok, there have been a few times over the years where we have had a ham on Christmas but generally speaking…except for the lunchmeat that we buy for sandwiches…Ham is never the meat on the table in a formal, sit-down family meal except on Easter.  What is that all about?  And a big FU if you Google this shit and send me the link…i already looked it up and it still doesn’t make sense.

And we all know the story of why the Easter Bunny hides his Eggs too, right?  Because He doesn’t want us to know that he is bangin’ the chicken.
Colored eggs.
Chocolate Rabbits.
Marshmallow Chickens.
Plastic green grass.
All in a brightly colored basket.  WTF Zombie Jesus? I don’t understand.

I am not against the holiday.   I just don’t have even the slightest clue as to why we are celebrating this day.

If I was gonna pick a day for us to celebrate from the life of Jesus it would be Walk on Water Day.  This needs to be held in the summer and everyone goes to their neighbor hood pools or down to the beach for a day of family fun.  Or even better yet, Water into Wine Day.  I mean what could be cooler than a holiday that is specifically made for drinking (I am sick of that fake ass St. Patrick…F Him…we should have a Jesus drinking day).

Anyway, Angus should be here in a bit to spend a couple days with his FUNcle.  In honor of this special day of the year I present to you Angus just being so sacrilicious:

Now…GET OFF THE LAWN!!!

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1 Comment

Filed under Rant

One response to “Merry Zombie Jesus Day

  1. red

    HAHAHAHAHA! Oh Christ that's hilarious!

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