If you live in the DC Metro area you most likely know about this complete tool. Pat Collins is a reporter for our local NBC affiliate NBC4. He has been around on the news here for as long as I can remember and from the first moment I saw him on TV I thought to myself, “What a complete and total douchebag.” I have no idea how he has been on the air for as long as he has because he creeps me out worse than the eyes of Sue Palka the Fox weather woman with the really freakin’ crazy eyes. And that chick really creeps me out so that is saying something.
Mr. Collins appears to believe he is Bill Shatner when he is doing any of his news reports. His overly dramatic delivery makes me want him…just once… to look dead into the camera and say “You…Klingon bastard….You….killed my son”. Or even better just one long “KHAAAAN!”. This guy really is THAT over the top on every news report he ever does.
During our Snowpocalypse earlier this year Pat was out on some street corner all freakin’ day and night with a stupid yard stick measuring every inch as it fell from the heavens. It probably wouldn’t have been so bad had the storm not made it impossible to go anywhere and every local channel showed nothing but storm coverage all day long for like 3 days. This jerk-off was grabbing people as they walked by so they could do (for the 323rd time that day) another measurement of the snowfall.
“Why yes Pat, there is about another 1/4 of an inch since you did this 5 minutes ago”
I was watching the news just a bit ago and Pat came on to give some report from somewhere about something and I swear this guy thinks the entire viewing audience is hanging on his every word. After every report this guy files they should have that Drama Chipmunk pop up on the screen.
Am I alone in my hatred of this guy?
Oh and for those of you who don’t know who he is…here is one of his “reports” that i found….you be the judge. And yeah, I know this is a really crappy quality video but I think it really illustrates just how douchey this guy can be.
Mornings at the Beach
Deb took me to the beach for my birthday a couple of weekends back. This was the view from our balcony as we woke up on Saturday morning. There really isn’t anything else like it either…You know what I mean…the sun blinding your eyes off the water, the smell of the saltwater and the roar of the waves….all before every bratty and screaming kid wakes up to smash the serenity. And let me tell you…this serene scene did not last long. It was Cheerleader Week at the beach. Over 100,000 screaming cheerleaders skittering around the beach like cockroaches in makeup with ginormous bows on their heads.
So yesterday was Mother’s Day and I spent it with the two best mom’s I know: My mom and my sister.
I am probably a lot like most sons out there and I don’t say it enough…but I do love you Mom. You, and Dad too, have been there so often when I needed a helping hand, a word of advice, a little love or just a laugh or two (usually at Dad’s expense). There really aren’t words to appropriately express my feelings for you so I just did the usual…bought you a couple cards and grunted out a Happy Mother’s Day while giving you a hug. That hug and that grunt mean more than they seem…You know it…it is just my way.
Yesterday was fun though. I got up earlier than usual on a Sunday to jump in the car and head down to Richmond to spend the day with the ladies and my nephews. They were surprised to see me when I showed up unannounced but not as surprised and happy as my two nephews: Angus and Noah. When I show up it means only one thing: PLAYTIME!
So we played around a bit in their new Castle. The castle was a cardboard box that their Daddy made into a castle for them. He even created their own little flag to raise up above the castle to let us know they were in there. They were so cute in that little box together until they came out of there swinging the swords (that I bought them mind you) at me with all their might. We then piled into my sister’s car and headed out to the mall to an indoor playground where the kids wanted to go and play. My mom was really cute all crammed in between the two kids seats in the back. I really am sure she was regretting sitting back there as my sister proceeded to drive through what I am pretty sure was three different states on the way to this “close” mall. But the good Grandma that she is…she didn’t complain once.
When we got to the mall both Noah and Angus immediately kicked off the shoes and socks and started running around like a couple of Lost Boys. They had the place pretty much to themselves at first and they were loving it. Soon though, all of the Weekend Dads (you know the ones I am talking about..only see their kids on the weekends and have no real idea how to relate to them so they just take them somewhere…like a mall playground…and let them loose while they sit and talk on their cellphones) started showing up with their kids and then the place was full of little snot machines. They boys had me chasing them around the place until I was all drenched in sweat. I really think we scared some of those kids.
The boys had their fill of the place after about an hour and they were both really tired and REALLY hungry. We all piled back into the car and headed over to Famous Dave’s for lunch. Love those Catfish fingers.
I hope you had a great day Mom. I know the rest of us had fun with you.
Happy Mother’s Day.