Monthly Archives: July 2010

Romance is in the air…through WIFI.

So it is Friday and you have that special someone coming over to your place tonight to “hang out” on the couch.  Want to add a little romance to your night?  Get that bottle of wine out, set it next to the laptop on the coffee table and follow the steps below for an instant romantic atmosphere:

  1. Set the laptop up so it easily viewable from the comfort of your couch.
  2. Open three tabs on your web browser of choice.
  3. Open this link in the first tab.
  4. Open this link in the second tab.
  5. Open this link in the third tab and then maximize this tab to be full screen.

Don’t blame me if you get laughed at can called a cheeseball though….it isn’t my fault if you choose to follow any of my ridiculous advice.  And hell, it isn’t even really my advice.  I just stole it from here.  Blame this guy!

And if you open these tabs while you are at work and people start to gather around your computer and start making out….you only have yourself to blame.  Consider yourself warned.

Have a good weekend.

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This decision is impossible….

Seriously, how can I decide which is the best picture ever….

On the one hand you have Chewie riding a squirrel and fighting Nazis:

[The High Definite]

And on the other hand there is Betty White, wearing a Leia Bikini and wielding a flaming chainsaw, riding a John Ritter centaur in front of a active volcano:

[Geek System]

OK, who am I kidding?  Betty White in the Leia bikini alone would have won this battle…the rest of the stuff in the pic is just gravy.

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The Redhead Bump

Nuff said

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Two More Reasons To Never Leave The House If You Live In The DC Metro

Today started off pretty good…until I opened my email and found two different articles emailed to me by two different people that just made me cringe.  So thanks for really screwing up my breakfast this morning guys…I really do appreciate it.

If you are one of those people that really do feel that ignorance is bliss I highly suggest you stop reading now…..And don’t complain to me if you keep on reading after you have been warned.

lol

The first article is from today’s Washington Post Metro section.  There was a study done by some college students that compared water from the Chesapeake Bay with water from a toilet:

Not Ty-D-Bol-blue fresh water, but some seriously dirty water — the kind that has marinated a substantial load of its intended contents for four hours without being flushed.

They found that after a rainstorm, the Chesapeake water is 6 times nastier than the dirty toilet water.  Feel like going swimming yet?  As an FYI:

In its water quality reports, the Anne Arundel County Department of Health explains that, for safe swimming, there shouldn’t be more than 35 bacterial colonies for every 100 milliliters of water in samples that are tested weekly.

One of the areas tested had 40 colonies per 100 milliliters on an average day.  Because I am good at math I deduced that 40 is more than 35 so this is bad all by itself.  But then these students tested that same area after a rainstorm and found 1752 colonies.  Yeah, that isn’t a typo.  And that disgusting toilet water…well it had 268 colonies.

So it appears to be safer to be the guy in here (which btw was me…and it wasn’t funny):

Than to be doing this:

So next time you are deciding to head to one of the beaches around the area to cool off during the dog days of summer remember this:  Go use the can and then splash some of that toilet water on your face and it might be cleaner and safer for you.

Mmmm Yummy

The second article just makes me even more anxious for hockey season to start (Let’s Go Caps!).  ESPN did a story on their show Outside the Lines about concession stands in all 107 stadiums used by every team in the MLB, NHL, NFL and NBA.  The initial article that was sent to me was from CNN and I was filled with pride for our local Verizon Center as I read the article.  The story is about the numerous health code violations at every stadium in the country:

Inspectors found employees who do not wash their hands, food stored at the wrong temperature and past their expiration dates and cockroaches, just to name a few.

The Verizon Center in Washington, D.C. was one of the worst. It was reported as having 100% of vendors in violation, with mouse droppings found at at least 10 different vendors.

Hungry Yet?

100% of the vendors were in violation?  Seriously?  Not a single one of them got by without a violation.  So if you had some food at the Verizon Center anytime over the last year you should feel pretty proud if you didn’t get food poisoning.

Mmmmm….I can’t wait for the season to start now.  Chicken fingers and Nachos for everyone.  I know that I am going to be making sure to stop off at the Capital Grille before the games this season and NEVER stop at a vendor inside the stadium except to grab a drink.  I don’t think the rats can get inside those Bud bottles can they?

So NEVER swim in the Chesapeake and NEVER eat at the Verizon Center.

You can thank me later.

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Heatwave, Horseshoes and Healing

This weekend was hot. Unbearably hot. In fact, I have lived here in the DC metro since the end of 1987 and I really can’t remember a time when it was hotter. So I decided to look it up and what do you know…this is the hottest it has been since the summer of ’87. So it literally was the hottest day I could remember here in the metro area. Lucky me.

It was so hot that just a short walk from the front door to my car had me dripping with sweat on Friday night. That is never a good way to start the evening. Luckily, Deb was suffering from food poisoning and we were planning to spend the night just hanging out at her place. Sorry Deb. 🙂 Poor girl picked up some kind of bug while we were at the beach last week and was still getting her ass kicked by it all weekend. I felt so bad for her too as she was really suffering and there wasn’t anything I could do to help except not get between her and the can.

Because of her need to stay close to indoor plumbing we just hung out on Friday night and most of Saturday. We spent the time just hanging out on the couch, playing with Ripley and catching up on some of our shows on the DVR. Another stroke of luck was that I had the 2nd season of Damages sitting there waiting to be watched from Netflix. I really freakin’ love that show and we watched the first 9 episodes of the season this weekend.

By early Saturday evening Deb was feeling well enough that we could venture out. We headed over to P and Red’s as they were having a little get together at their place. It was right at the 100º mark when we set out and with the heat index it was around 110. In other words…really friggin’ hot. When we got there just about everyone was inside in the air conditioning. Deb headed inside and that was where she stayed for most of the time we were there. She was still feeling pretty bad but she wanted to at least come and visit for a while.

As soon as we walked in I was jumped on by a bunch of the people who weren’t at the beach when we were last week. They wanted to see “the video”. So poor P and Red were subjected to more ridicule for the first few minutes. It is no wonder that P got out from behind his newly installed bar and headed out into the heat.

A bunch of us grabbed our drinks and followed him out to the Horseshoe Pit in his backyard.  As a bit of back story, I hadn’t lost a match here in over 2 years (I hadn’t lost a match of Ladderball or Horseshoes up until that little 13 year old girl showed me up on the 4th of July).  I owned this game and I talked enough shit to really let everyone know it too.

We paired off and played a few games and, even though I talked a big game, I lost a match to Mike and AC.  It was still a scorcher at around 7pm when we were all out there playing and we couldn’t drink our cocktails fast enough.  P had been making us frozen margaritas and they would actually be warm before you could finish them…yeah, it was THAT hot.

I was completely drenched with sweat by the time our last game rolled around.  Even though my shirt was soaked through and I was getting just devoured by the insects I did pull off a pretty great shot that allowed me to get my title back.  AC got to toss before me and he hit a ringer and his second shot was only a couple inches off the stake.  He would have ended up with 4 points and pretty much sealed up the match.  But I stepped up and tossed and landed a ringer that was leaning up against the stake on top of his (mine is the B horseshoe in the picture).  Instead of him pulling in the 4 points for his team I pulled in 3 and nullified his nice toss.  There was lots of name calling after that.

Deb was starting to feel really crappy right after that so we said our goodbyes and headed home.  As we were driving back to Deb’s I realized that I was pretty shitfaced.  I hadn’t felt like I was all that loaded while we were all standing around in that heat but as soon as the AC kicked on and I sat down I knew I was a bit beyond tipsy.  Deb, even though she was feeling terrible, was still able to laugh at me as I stumbled around and made an ass of myself before we both passed out.  Deb passed out from the exhaustion of 4 days of being sick and I…well, I just passed out from being a drunken mess.

I was really thankful that when I woke up on Sunday there was no sign of a hangover and Deb was finally over her sickness.  She was feeling well enough to hold down solid food for the first time in five days so she made us some breakfast.  I knew she was feeling like her old self when I smelled the bacon.  That sweet, sweet smell of bacon.

So we just spent the day hanging around under the blanket on her couch and making sure that she was back to 100% for work on Monday.  It was a nice and relaxing day.  We didn’t really pay much attention to the thunderstorm that was raging outside in the afternoon.  We barely noticed when the temperature dropped 20 degrees in about 5 minutes.  And we barely noticed the beautiful night that Sunday turned out to be.  But Deb was feeling great when she headed off to work this morning…so it was well worth it.

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Dewey Beach Trip and “The Challenge”

Last Saturday, Deb and I headed to Dewey Beach to meet up with the rest of her family.  I wasn’t sure quite what to expect but I wasn’t expecting that first night.  It was a night that is going to be talked about and laughed about for years to come.  But I am getting ahead of myself a bit…

Deb and I got up early and headed out to get some breakfast.  We knew that the ride was going to be a long one and we really wanted some coffee and greasy diner food in our bellies before jumping in the car and taking that long ride to Dewey.  We were really glad we did too because it took us almost an hour just to get beyond Pennsylvania Avenue and the ramp to 295.

Traffic was a crazy.  We should have realized it was going to be that way…beach traffic…on a Saturday…yuck.  When we got to the Bay Bridge we thought we had it made because we just cruised right on through on the EZ-Pass lane.  Little did we know that we were going to be put onto the bridge with all the traffic leaving the beach.

Two way traffic on that bridge is just not fun at all.  The 126 miles from door to door took us almost 5 freakin’ hours.

But when we arrived the fun started right away.  We had just enough time to say Hello to everyone and drop off our stuff in our room before we were grabbed by Lauren, Mike, P and Red to go out for “a” drink.  So we headed down to one of the beach-side bars and  started with Orange Crushes and Peel-n-Eat Shrimp.  After we each had 3 or 4 drinks we moved to a different bar and started in with a few beers each.  We were all getting a bit tipsy when we decided it would be best to go back to the houses and see if dinner was ready.  It turns out that we go there just in time too.  So we all packed some more food into our bellies (that were already full of booze). showered and changed and headed back out to the bars.  This time we had a few more party people in tow.

We headed back to The Starboard and proceeded to down round after round of Orange Crushes and a few shots of tequila thrown in for good measure.  As the hours passed the crowd was noticeably younger than most of us at our table.  Soon, there weren’t even any tables left in the bar as they hauled them all out to make room for more people to crowd in and we were left with the only table in the bar.  And that is about when the fun kicked it up a notch.

The Challenge

Suddenly, next to our table, appeared a young woman and her counterpart.  They seemed to have just blinked into existence right next to our table.  They appeared to be trying to suck each other into their respective mouths as they dry humped against the wall at the end of our table.  We immediately started hooting and hollering at the couple…who just continued on oblivious to us.  It wasn’t until I stood up and started filming that they noticed our entire table was focused on them but that didn’t stop them.

P and Red decided to embarrass the couple and get right up on the wall next to them and do an exaggerated version of what the lovebirds were doing.  We were dying laughing as they were bumping and grinding and doing everything they could to make this young twosome realize how ridiculous they looked.

But it didn’t work.

Instead of getting embarrassed all this did was egg them on.  The young lady grabbed a chair and started giving a (pretty well done, mind you) lapdance to her man.  We were all kind of sitting there enjoying the show when Mike hit me in the arm and yelled out, “WHY AREN’T YOU RECORDING THIS?!?!”.  I fumbled with my camera and only caught the last 5 seconds of her lapdance…but trust me it was fun to watch.  We all applauded and wolf whistled as loud as we could for the youngsters until we were silenced by what she did.

She turned the chair right around to Red and smiled and patted the seat in challenge.

OH. NO. SHE. DIDN’T!!!

Everyone’s eyes turned to Red to see what she would do.  It was too loud to hear her exact words but it sure looked like she said “Oh…it. is. ON” before she grabbed P and threw him into the chair.  By this time a crowd had gathered around our table and everyone was watching the show.  You can watch the video to see why all of us, all of the people around us and even the young lady who threw down the challenge had to admit that Red was the clear winner.

The entirely spontaneous way this just erupted was so freakin’ funny.  The way that P and Red started out just trying to poke a little fun at the teenyboppers and ended up defending their “honor” had everyone rolling.  I don’t think I had laughed that hard in ages.

Couple of things to notice at the end of the video:

  1. The amount of flashes going off around the bar when Red was giving P the lapdance.  I am thinking that you two are all over the Facebook pages of people you don’t even know.
  2. Watch as the lapdance ends and P slams the fifty on the table.  He obviously liked it.
  3. P was kind of bummed the next day, “Man, that was my favorite hangin’ out shirt too”.  Someone is gonna be sewing those buttons back on.

And this was all at just the first bar of the night.  And this was just the first night of the trip.  I knew right then that this was going to be a fun trip.

The next day was spent mostly hungover for the majority of us so it was pretty much a wasted day.  Everyone was feeling pretty shitty.  Some of the group decided to go back out again during the afternoon but were paying for it later in the evening when the rest of us were just starting to feel normal again.

The following day was spent just hanging on the beach and trying to stay cool.  It was a miserably hot couple of days and it was a full time job just trying not to sweat to death.  But once night rolled around it started to cool off enough that a few of us decided to go try and grab some grub.  We ended up at this restaurant that was facing the bay called Venus on the Halfshell.  Even though we looked up the place online and found a bunch of reviews that weren’t all that flattering we decided to go there anyway.  We were more than pleased.  We arrived right at sunset and had a great little table outside.  The outdoor area is a tiered whitesand porch with palm trees and tiki torches…it felt like you were sitting in Hawaii having dinner.  And nobody ordered anything that they didn’t really like.  A phenomenal view, great food and really good people.  It just goes to show you that you really cannot put too much faith in the online reviews.

All in all, it was a really nice couple of days at the beach.  I didn’t feel as out of place as I thought I would as everyone went out of their way to make me feel right at home.  With the exception of the self inflicted hangover pain….every other minute was enjoyable.  Even the Hawaiian Night forced dancing and merriment was fun.  I hope the video of me doing the twist is lost in a wipe of a certain couple’s harddrive.  Thank you all for a fun couple of days.

The Last Image of Our Last Day on the Beach

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I Write Like…

Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.

“Among other things, you’ll find that you’re not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior.  You’re by no means alone on that score, you’ll be excited and stimulated to know.  Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now.  Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles.  You’ll learn from them – if you want to.  Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you.  It’s a beautiful reciprocal arrangement.  And it isn’t education.  It’s history.  It’s poetry.”  ~J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

I saw that my sister had a badge on her blog from “I Write Like” where you just cut and paste some of your writing and the site will “analyze” your work and tell you who you write like.  I usually don’t give these types of sites even a minute of my time but this one intrigued me.  The fact that the site told me I write like Salinger made me believe that the site is pure genius. 😉

Ever since reading the book in my junior year of high school, The Catcher in the Rye has been at or near the top of my “Favorites” list.  It was the first book that seemed to speak directly to me.  The most influential part of Catcher, for me, was Salinger’s stream of consciousness writing style and how he really captured the thoughts of a crazy teenager.  The way Holden’s thoughts bounced from topic to topic in a haphazard fashion just felt like JD was writing from somewhere inside my own head.   I loved this writing style…until Faulkner (that asshat) killed it for me later.

I hate you William Faulkner.

So, yeah…I can dig being told that my writing is like Salinger.

***EDIT:  I hate that WordPress and badges don’t get along. 😦  No badges for me…but the link above works.

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Video Compilation from Angus’ Birthday

I was putting together my post last night about Angus’ Birthday and I really didn’t want to link all of the videos separately.  Instead, I played around with IMovie a bit last night and the outcome is below.  Pretty cool that I could do all that right on the phone.  The video looks much better in HD if you click this link or you can just watch the video below.

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Happy Birthday Angus! How Can You Be Six Already!?!

I really can’t believe that my nephew, Angus, turned six today.  It really does seem like just yesterday that this little guy came into the world and made me realize that I didn’t actually hate ALL kids.  I really do love the short stack and was glad to be able to head down to Richmond today to spend some time with him.

I got in the car and headed down there early so that I could spend the whole day with the birthday boy.  He was really happy to see me when I got there too.  I love how he can just sit and look at you as though he is drinking you in and taking note of every detail and filing it away in his special little brain to be able to go back there later.

Because his little brother was off at school we had a rare afternoon where Angus got to be the center of attention.  So he got to open his Star Wars and Avatar toys that I brought him without the little bro’s grubby hands grabbing at his new loot.  And he really can don the cheeseball smile when he sets his mind to it.

We got to hang out and watch a little of his new Justice League DVDs.

And even his Mommy, my kid sister, got to open up her birthday gift from me (Her birthday was on the 12th so…Happy Birthday yo!).

After a few hours Noah got home from school and the Birthday Boy had to share his new loot with his little brother.  There wasn’t even much of a struggle this time either.  Angus is getting really good at sharing.

Soon after the arrival of Noah and his Daddy, the rest of the guests started to arrive for the birthday party.  This was going to be the neighborhood kids along with his Grandma and cousin.  My sister setup the kiddie pool for the kids to play in…

And the Slip N Slide for them to try and injure themselves on…

I am not sure who had more fun with all the water toys though:  the kids or the “grown-ups”.  When the next door neighbors got in a wrestling match and both ended up in the pool that was a real highlight of the party.  But even though the kids were having so much fun playing…like every kid’s party…everything stopped when the cake was brought out.  This year Angus even let everyone sing Happy Birthday and he blew out his candles with no help.

It was really heartwarming to see how far he has grown over the last year.  He had meltdowns or just became really uncomfortable being the center of attention when everyone tried to sing Happy Birthday in previous years.  It was great to just see him so happy and smiling after he blew out those candles.

It really does melt my heart on days like this to see the Angus so beaming and happy.  Even more so to see him being so social and just having fun with his friends.  I know that a few years ago even something that seems so easy to most of us…like hangin’ with our friends…wasn’t a given for the kid.  So it really does make me proud of how far he has come already.  It really just goes to show how much care and love he is getting from his parents and his teachers.  Great job Holly and Tony.

Thanks for having me down to spend the day with the guys.

Happy Birthday Angus!

Oh..and I almost forgot…this toy that Angus got as a gift…Tell me the guy that designed it doesn’t drive a Porsche.

Ummm..yeah...Sorry about the penis.

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The Scariest Phone Call

Today’s Plinky Prompt was a good one.  It was “Describe the scariest moment in your life — from a third-person perspective.”  As Deb was off getting her hair done and I had the morning to myself I thought it would be a good day to sit down and tackle this one.  I chose a pretty personal subject too so if you choose to go ahead and read it please handle with care.  Feedback would be appreciated if you have any.

The story ended up being longer than I had initially intended and I know that most of you have relatively short attention spans so my apologies if this is too long to read.  Most of the story is accurate but like with any story I made a change or two here and there…poetic license.  Hope you enjoy:

The Scariest Phone Call

The phone rang…

He sat in silence staring at his phone on the nightstand. He knew who was on the other end of that call. Over the last month he had done almost everything in his power to avoid her. Ever since the night of the show he had kept his distance even though he didn’t want to. But she was calling again and he wasn’t sure he would be able to stay away much longer….

It all started a month before when they had attended the show. His best friend had invited him to the show. The friend and his wife would be having a party at their place prior to heading out. They always threw great parties and the show really seemed like it would be fun so of course he wanted to go. His friend told him that he needed to “dress up” for the show.

“Everyone dresses up…it is part of the fun,” the friend explained. “So just find some polo shirts and pop the collar or a pair of jeans and peg ’em. It really isn’t all that hard for us to dress the part…but you should see the girls. They will look hilarious all dolled up in their gear. Picture all the neon, side ponytails, heavy makeup and Flashdance sweat shirts. It is pretty fuckin’ funny.”

So he found a couple of polo shirts and wore one inside the other and popped the collars. He looked ridiculous and couldn’t believe that he used to wear this shit when it wasn’t just a gag. Throwing on a pair of plaid shorts to finish his ensemble he headed out to his friend’s place for the pre-party.

The usual cast of characters were all there and in the process of liquoring up before heading out to the show. Everyone was in their costumes and it was hard to believe we all looked like this 20 years ago. We were all in the backyard having drinks and laughing it up when someone yelled that the taxis were out front and it was time to go….

The phone rang again…

The show was better than he expected. All of the songs that they performed were ones that everyone knew and the entire theater was singing and dancing along. He didn’t realize that he was spending so much time at the bar talking to her either. She just kind of appeared next to him and they were sharing drinks and everything was becoming a blur. She started dancing in front of him and then they were dancing together. Without a thought his arms pulled her into him and the dancing became slower and more intimate. He could feel the eyes of all of his friends on him as he kissed her. He knew it was wrong but it really felt right.

At one point, when he looked up, he saw his friend staring at him with a look of confusion on his face. When he looked back at her he felt that same confusion. The unwritten rule that was shared between all guys was telling him that this should not be happening but he was not sure that he would be able to stop himself. Was his friend going to be mad at him? He wasn’t sure he even cared at this point.

The music was so loud that you couldn’t really hear each other unless you were shouting so he pulled his friend close to him. He leaned right up to his friend’s ear and said, “Sorry dude, but this is happening.” His friend looked up at him and just shook his head, laughed and shrugged as if to say that everything was alright. Was he interpreting that right? Was his friend saying that he wasn’t pissed? Did he even really care?

He leaned back into her and pulled her closer to him. She felt right. She felt good. She was his best friend’s sister…

The phone rang again…

When the show ended everyone jumped into cabs and headed back to his friend’s house. The show had everyone on a high and they were all ready to continue the party. Once they all arrived at the house she was never far from his side. They were all pretty drunk but they just kept on partying. At one point, while everyone was sitting on the porch rehashing the show, he looked down at her. She was sitting on the floor and leaning up against his legs. Smiling and leaning down, he whispered in her ear, “Want to get out of here?” She looked up into his eyes, smiled and nodded that she was ready to leave.

They went back to her place. The rest of the night was lost in a haze of drunken lust. They fell into each others arms and just seemed to fit. It was as if they had done this hundreds of times. There was no awkward pauses or clumsy fumbling. For that one night, everything seemed perfect.

Even the next morning, when they woke up, there was no strangeness between them. He held her close and she felt like she couldn’t get close enough. They laughed and talked about how everyone was going to be talking about them. They knew that they were going to be the objects of ridicule for a while after the previous night and neither of them seemed to care.

Sometime in the early afternoon they got out of bed and she drove him back to his car. He looked her in the eyes and tried to tell her how much fun it had been but the words just didn’t seem to come. As they sat there, in her car, it started to feel awkward for the first time. He turned to her and thanked her for a great night and then jumped out of the car and headed towards his own without looking back.

The phone rang again…

Over the next month, the two of them didn’t see each other at all. He would text her and she would text him. That was the extent of their conversations during that time. He wanted nothing more than to see her again but he didn’t know what to do. He was confused and wasn’t sure quite how to feel. They made plans to get together over that month several times but their lives kept getting in the way. Mostly it was his fault. He kept finding ways to not see her. He would be working late one night and have to cancel. He would have plans with the people from the office another night…and have to cancel. He would be spending time with his family the next time and have to cancel. He could have gotten out of any of these obligations but he kept using them as a way to not have to deal with the feelings he had for her.

During that incredibly long month he sat down with his friend. There was no way he would ever think about pursuing her if his friend didn’t give him his blessing. He didn’t want to ruin one of the longest friendships of his life over something of which he was completely unsure. His friend had an endless stream of jokes at his expense. There didn’t seem to be any aspect of the entire situation that his friend didn’t find funny and he was not shy about letting every joke fly. But after all the jokes and after all the ridicule his friend said that he was actually happy that his sister was with him and not some other joker.

He was relieved but still scared.

He had known her for almost 20 years. How would you take a friendship of that long and take it to the next level? What would happen if he tried and it didn’t work out? He was pretty sure that everything in his life was about to change and he wasn’t sure he was prepared for that. He knew that he wasn’t the best “relationship guy” and that every one he had been in up to this point had ended dismally. This wasn’t one where, if things went wrong, he could just walk away from and never have to see her again. She would be around at every get together of their friends and he wouldn’t be able to just pretend she never existed if things went south.

So he avoided her for that month. If they didn’t see each other he wouldn’t be forced to make the decision. The decision that he was dreading because either way he went was going to be entering uncharted waters. He was terrified and didn’t know what course of action would be best.

Should he just let it go and chalk that night up to a lot of booze and a mistake or should he attempt to make something with her? If he answered her calls he wasn’t sure what would happen and not knowing was churning his stomach into a knotted mess. He was not a fan of the unknown.

The phone rang one last time….

His decision was made as he reached down and picked up the phone.

“Hello?” he croaked out into the phone.

“So, are we ever getting together again or what?” she responded.

They both immediately broke into laughter. They have been together ever since.

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