Here are three stories that have been in the news around the area this week. The first two make me so proud to live in the DC metro area and the third story….Zzzzzzzz….hmm? Oh, I nodded off there for a bit.
TSA Homosexual Agenda
You know, there are some stories that are so freakin’ ridiculous that your brain kind of locks up when you hear it. On Tuesday there was a news story about a Loudoun County Board of Supervisors representative that said that the TSA pat-downs were part of the “Homosexual Agenda”. Eugene Delgaudio believes that what the TSA is doing isn’t for our safety but instead is for those gays to get off while touching our junk.
“It’s the federal employee’s version of the Gay Bill of Special Rights… That means the next TSA official that gives you an ‘enhanced pat down’ could be a practicing homosexual secretly getting pleasure from your submission,” Delgaudio wrote.
This is an elected official. Yay.
Oh you wonderful, crazy bastard. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised though because we all know that all of those homosexuals can’t control their urges and just have to sexually molest every person of the same sex that they encounter. Straight people aren’t pedophiles or sexual predators at all.
You know how I know this to be true? It is because I can pass this test. I can look at a picture like this and not lose my shit and just have to get all grabby:
Meanwhile, every single homosexual man on the planet will go into a lust filled trance and get a semi-chub from this pic:
This test is completely scientific and proves without a shadow of a doubt that gay people cannot control themselves. Well, it is if your science is based on insane-bigot-fuckwad logic.
I hope this shining beacon of tolerance gets re-elected next year. Well, that or he finally comes out of the closet like we all know he eventually will.
One of those things you always hear about going to some third world nation is, “Don’t drink the water.” Who knew that our nation’s capital falls into that same category? Apparently DC Water was partially replacing pipes to try to help to “cut down” on lead in the water and only made the situation worse. What I find particularly disturbing is that there was a report from 2004 from the CDC that said the drinking water was “not a significant danger” to children and now they are saying that this report was using incomplete data. So for 6 years people in the District have sucked down lead if they were drinking their tap water. 6. Freakin’. Years.
I am thinking that this is part of the Anti-Homosexual Agenda. If Superman can’t see through lead with his Xray vision then those scanners the TSA are using can’t possibly see through a body completely laced with lead. So you see, if you have drunk the DC water you can safely go through the scanners at the airport and not have to fear being patted down by all the perverted gays that are just lying in wait to touch your junk.
The sad thing is that while this is completely stupid it isn’t quite as bat-shit crazy as Delgaudio.
Qatar World Cup in 2022
I just started twitching a bit even trying to pretend to care.
I can’t even get though the phrase “Qatar to host World Cup in 2022” without yawning twice. And WTF…Qatar? Is that even a real country? Sounds like a village halfway between Rohan and Gondor. I checked the map of Middle Earth to be sure but I couldn’t find it. But, in the spirit of full disclosure, I couldn’t find it on a real map either. So I am not still not convinced that this is even a real country.
I really hope the rest of the world will figure out there are some sports with real excitement in the next 11 years so I won’t have to hear everyone talking about how the US will be turned into a country that likes and watches soccer because of the World Cup. What? There are two World Cups before 2022? Really?