Yesterday, while eating breakfast, I heard a ruckus just outside the kitchen window. It sounded like a couple of birds were having a knife fight out there. So I peeked over the shutters and saw that two little sparrows were trying to make a nest in one of the hanging planters on the porch.
My first reaction was, “Awwww…how cute. They are building a little home together.” But then I remembered the last time two cute birds built a nest out there. Once they finished with the nest they became super aggressive and just trying to get out to the car was an adventure. Nothing quite like running from your front door in a mad dash to make it to the car before you are attacked by an angry couple of birds trying to protect their home.
So this would not do. At first, we just tried to drive them off by going out and yelling at them. But they just kept coming back and continuing to build as soon as we went back inside. Then we tried hanging some tin foil on the planters to there would be movement enough around the planter to scare them away. But again, as soon as we went inside..they returned and just kept on building.
Then I got an idea. We needed one of those fake owls that I see people put up in their gardens to keep the undesirables out. But we didn’t have one of those. So I had a plan that any other 40-year-old guy would have…I went into my action figure collection for a suitable “owl like” figure. Yeah, I know…nerdy and not typical. I found my Hurley and he just seemed perfect for the job. He took over for Jacob as the protector of the island so surely he could keep away a couple of birds.
So I went out and shooed the birds away, rooted out the nesting construction and setup Hurley to be my little flowerpot scarecrow. I stood in the window for a few minutes to watch and see what would happen. I could see the two birds on a tree branch just about 20 feet away and they were pretty much screaming at our porch. I don’t think they were happy but it seemed to work.
So I went back to drinking my coffee, eating my bagel and reading the sports page. Suddenly I heard wings flapping a bird screeching and a crash. I couldn’t help but think that the Angry Birds had attacked Hurley. And when I stood up to look over the shutters my suspicions were confirmed. The hanging pot was Hurleyless.
I went outside to check and found poor old Hurley on the floor of the porch and it appeared like he a couple of the flowers that he was supposed to be protecting with him. Those birds had not only knocked him out of the planter but had destroyed part of the flowers just to show me that they were the boss. And, upon closer examination, they freakin’ hobbled the poor fat bastard in the process.
But you know what? I watched those birds for the next couple of minutes after that. They came back a few times but they weren’t coming back to try building a nest in the planter. They were just coming back to gather up the pieces of the nest that we had pulled out and thrown into the front yard. They just wanted their stuff.
So I am pretty sure they just pushed Hurley out of the planter out of spite. They had to have already decided to move on but they just wanted to show me that it was by their choice and not because of anything I did to chase them off.
Time to give Hurley a Crazygluectomy.