Unless you are living under a rock I am sure that you are aware that the Opening Ceremonies of the London 2012 Olympics were yesterday. I was at a party last night so while we had the Opening Ceremonies on the television I couldn’t hear anything that was actually going on. I am pretty sure that the show that was put on was supposed to be all about England but without volume I can’t be sure. Since my history on the UK is a bit rusty, I had to try to piece together what I was seeing. If you watched last night, am I close to what you saw?
In the beginning all of Britain was just like the Shire: full of Hobbits, everything was peaceful and everyone played cricket.
But the British Hobbits were not those peaceful little guys you remember from the books or movies. The Men of The Shire were not treated as equals and the Hobbits never allowed them to play in their days long games of cricket. That was until the day that one man found a mystical and gigantic bell that would solve all their problems.
The bell was rung and its powerful magic called forth Abraham Lincoln.
But Abe was not alone. This bell had the ability to clone The Great Emancipator and brought many copies…and they had a plan. They met at The Party Tree where the OG Abe relayed the story of the sufferings of all the Abes that came before him at the hands of the English Hobbits to his brethren. Abe preached that they were to break their chains and use their power to call forth the Armies of the Dark One to lay waste to The Shire.
And after their evil incantations an army of Zombies arose from the Party Tree and descended on The Shire.
The Zombies quickly overrun all of Britain and the reign of the Hobbits was ended. Those few Hobbits that remained were forced into slavery and were made to labor in the lava flows from Mordor to start bringing in the Industrial Age of Man.
Aware that his power in the realm of Britain was on the verge of being challenged by the Zombie and their evil Wizard master, Sauron forged 5 more rings of power for his new Ringwraiths.
Armed with their new Rings of Power, the Ringwraiths descended on Isengard with their warcry of “SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS”
The Powerful Wizard of Isengard and these Ringwraiths battled for days.
The unleashing of their magic energies could be seen from miles around.
But as suddenly as the battle had begun…it was over. There was no sign of the Evil Wizard of those hideous Ringwraiths. The evil seemed to have left this corner of the world. The few Hobbits that remained came out from their hiding and the grand celebration began with a chorus of happy little drummers.
The celebration came to a close with a parade of the champions from every corner of the globe.
So did I get all that right? If my memory of my old history classes didn’t fail me…I am probably spot on.