Tag Archives: Mom

No longer a Taurus

Not that I even really believe in this shit, but….

Those people that know me and do believe (or at least partially believe) in the Zodiac have always told me that I was a perfect example of a Taurus.  So earlier this year when the signs were all mixed up and the 13th sign was added I was moved to Aries.  I have been informed that there is no way this is correct.  I am a stubborn bullheaded Taurus and will be until the day I die.

My Mother shared this little comic from today’s paper with me.  It made me laugh.

Guess I better set the DVR for Oprah.

Source: [Mother Goose and Grimm]

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Filed under Family, Funny Pic, Postaday2011

My Little Sister Embarrasses My Mom at the Zoo

My mom and sis

Today’s Plinky Prompt is “What is the funniest thing you have ever heard a child say?”. As soon as I saw this prompt I chuckled and knew what my story would be….We were living in Berlin and I was a kid, not more than 5 or 6, when my class was visiting the zoo for a field trip. My mom was with the field trip as a chaperon and she brought along my little sister. My sister was a little hellion; somewhere in that 2 to 3 year old stage. You know, the stage where they are basically parrots and repeat just about anything they hear.

Sometime during the day, the chaperons decided to take a break. There was a kick ass playground at the zoo where the kids were having a blast while the parents and teachers were all sitting and chatting on the benches. My mom, a young woman in her mid twenties, was chatting with the other parents and teachers while keeping a close eye on me and my sister as we were tearing up the playground. I don’t know what was being said among the adults but I am pretty sure that every parent was sizing up their own parenting skills against everyone else. Isn’t that what parents do? They see or hear another parent doing something they would never do or someone else’s child misbehaving and immediately go into judgement mode. I am not a parent so I can’t speak from experience here but from what I have seen…this doesn’t seem to be an idea that is just in my mind.

At some point, a couple of older German kids started running around the playground with their fully loaded water pistols. They were squirting everyone they could and all the kids were running away from them screaming in faux-terror. That was about the time that one of the kids zeroed in on my sister. He apparently unloaded a big portion of his watery ammunition right into her too.

She was laughing hysterically as she ran straight over to my mother. She must have been cute as hell as she ran up to all of the waiting parents because they all stopped their chatter and all attention was focused on her. My Mom smiled and looked my sister up and down and noticed that she was soaked…but only in one spot.

My sister, between large gulps of air, pointed right to her crotch and shouted at my mother, “MOMMY!!! THEY SHOT ME IN THE DICK!!!”

Stunned silence.

My Mom’s eyes widened in shock and horror as the nervous laughter started with all the other parents. The nervous laughter turned into full on belly laughs as everyone recovered from the initial shock. Mom started laughing as well and pulled my sister in and quietly tried to explain that what she said was both inappropriate and incorrect.

To this day, still the funniest thing I have ever heard a kid say.

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Hey Mom….Hope Yesterday Was as Fun For You

So yesterday was Mother’s Day and I spent it with the two best mom’s I know:  My mom and my sister.

I am probably a lot like most sons out there and I don’t say it enough…but I do love you Mom.  You, and Dad too, have been there so often when I needed a helping hand, a word of advice, a little love or just a laugh or two (usually at Dad’s expense).  There really aren’t words to appropriately express my feelings for you so I just did the usual…bought you a couple cards and grunted out a Happy Mother’s Day while giving you a hug.  That hug and that grunt mean more than they seem…You know it…it is just my way.

Yesterday was fun though.  I got up earlier than usual on a Sunday to jump in the car and head down to Richmond to spend the day with the ladies and my nephews.  They were surprised to see me when I showed up unannounced but not as surprised and happy as my two nephews:  Angus and Noah.  When I show up it means only one thing:  PLAYTIME!

So we played around a bit in their new Castle.  The castle was a cardboard box that their Daddy made into a castle for them.  He even created their own little flag to raise up above the castle to let us know they were in there.  They were so cute in that little box together until they came out of there swinging the swords (that I bought them mind you) at me with all their might.  We then piled into my sister’s car and headed out to the mall to an indoor playground where the kids wanted to go and play.  My mom was really cute all crammed in between the two kids seats in the back.  I really am sure she was regretting sitting back there as my sister proceeded to drive through what I am pretty sure was three different states on the way to this “close” mall.  But the good Grandma that she is…she didn’t complain once.
When we got to the mall both Noah and Angus immediately kicked off the shoes and socks and started running around like a couple of Lost Boys.  They had the place pretty much to themselves at first and they were loving it.  Soon though, all of the Weekend Dads (you know the ones I am talking about..only see their kids on the weekends and have no real idea how to relate to them so they just take them somewhere…like a mall playground…and let them loose while they sit and talk on their cellphones) started showing up with their kids and then the place was full of little snot machines.  They boys had me chasing them around the place until I was all drenched in sweat.  I really think we scared some of those kids.

The boys had their fill of the place after about an hour and they were both really tired and REALLY hungry.  We all piled back into the car and headed over to Famous Dave’s for lunch.  Love those Catfish fingers.

I hope you had a great day Mom.  I know the rest of us had fun with you.

Happy Mother’s Day.

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