Tag Archives: TSA

Three for Thursday

Here are three stories that have been in the news around the area this week.  The first two make me so proud to live in the DC metro area and the third story….Zzzzzzzz….hmm?  Oh, I nodded off there for a bit.

TSA Homosexual Agenda

You know, there are some stories that are so freakin’ ridiculous that your brain kind of locks up when you hear it. On Tuesday there was a news story about a Loudoun County Board of Supervisors representative that said that the TSA pat-downs were part of the “Homosexual Agenda”. Eugene Delgaudio believes that what the TSA is doing isn’t for our safety but instead is for those gays to get off while touching our junk.

“It’s the federal employee’s version of the Gay Bill of Special Rights… That means the next TSA official that gives you an ‘enhanced pat down’ could be a practicing homosexual secretly getting pleasure from your submission,” Delgaudio wrote.

This is an elected official. Yay.

Oh you wonderful, crazy bastard. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised though because we all know that all of those homosexuals can’t control their urges and just have to sexually molest every person of the same sex that they encounter. Straight people aren’t pedophiles or sexual predators at all.

You know how I know this to be true? It is because I can pass this test. I can look at a picture like this and not lose my shit and just have to get all grabby:

Meanwhile, every single homosexual man on the planet will go into a lust filled trance and get a semi-chub from this pic:

This test is completely scientific and proves without a shadow of a doubt that gay people cannot control themselves. Well, it is if your science is based on insane-bigot-fuckwad logic.

I hope this shining beacon of tolerance gets re-elected next year. Well, that or he finally comes out of the closet like we all know he eventually will.

http://dcist.com/2010/11/loudoun_county_official_tsa_pat_dow.php

DC Water

One of those things you always hear about going to some third world nation is, “Don’t drink the water.” Who knew that our nation’s capital falls into that same category? Apparently DC Water was partially replacing pipes to try to help to “cut down” on lead in the water and only made the situation worse. What I find particularly disturbing is that there was a report from 2004 from the CDC that said the drinking water was “not a significant danger” to children and now they are saying that this report was using incomplete data. So for 6 years people in the District have sucked down lead if they were drinking their tap water.  6.  Freakin’.  Years.

I am thinking that this is part of the Anti-Homosexual Agenda. If Superman can’t see through lead with his Xray vision then those scanners the TSA are using can’t possibly see through a body completely laced with lead. So you see, if you have drunk the DC water you can safely go through the scanners at the airport and not have to fear being patted down by all the perverted gays that are just lying in wait to touch your junk.

The sad thing is that while this is completely stupid it isn’t quite as bat-shit crazy as Delgaudio.

http://dcist.com/2010/12/cdc_dc_pipes_still_may_be_contamina.php

Qatar World Cup in 2022

Oh darn. We lost our bid to host the World Cup in 2022. That just ruins all the plans I was making for 12 years from now. I guess I will just have to learn to cope.

I just started twitching a bit even trying to pretend to care.

I can’t even get though the phrase “Qatar to host World Cup in 2022” without yawning twice. And WTF…Qatar? Is that even a real country? Sounds like a village halfway between Rohan and Gondor. I checked the map of Middle Earth to be sure but I couldn’t find it.  But, in the spirit of full disclosure, I couldn’t find it on a real map either.  So I am not still not convinced that this is even a real country.

I really hope the rest of the world will figure out there are some sports with real excitement in the next 11 years so I won’t have to hear everyone talking about how the US will be turned into a country that likes and watches soccer because of the World Cup. What? There are two World Cups before 2022? Really?

Shit.

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If you plan to “Opt Out” at an Airport tomorrow…

Tomorrow, being the day before Thanksgiving, is historically the busiest travel day of the year.  And this year it appears that traveling on a plane is going to be probably about the worst possible way to travel.  With the new TSA screening procedures that are in place there are a growing number of people in our country that are up in arms about being scanned and/or patted down.  Because these people are upset about this new process they plan on having a National Opt Out Day.

What does this mean for all of you planning to travel tomorrow?  It means that, if there are enough people that actually plan to go through with this, you will either need to get to the airport hours before your flight or plan on having some sort of backup travel plan for when you miss your flight.  You see, the plan is for as many people as possible to refuse being scanned and bog down the TSA officers by making them have to pat down as many people as possible.  Their agenda is to overwhelm and make the entire security process come to a virtual stand still on the busiest travel day of the year.  So for all of the rest of us that have no political agenda and are just trying to get home to visit friends and family for the holidays it sounds like a lot of fun, doesn’t it?

You know what I really wish?  I wish that every person that “Opts Out” of the scan is moved to a separate area of the airport.  This area, let’s call it the “Holding Pen” will be one that is only manned by one TSA official.  Don’t take the security away from the rest of the passengers that want nothing more than to get home.  And let’s make sure this one official is the one that is always late to work, been written up a few times for subordination, closely resembles the scariest person you can imagine and hasn’t showered or brushed their teeth in weeks.  This way those people that are expecting the TSA officers to be the pervy/scary bastards they are being made out to be all over the news get their heart’s desire.  This way, on Friday, when they finally reach their destination and missed Thanksgiving they can gloat about how right they were.

Meanwhile, the rest of us will quietly go about our business and get to where we were going with as minimal a delay as possible.  While I am on the couch slowly slipping in and out of my food coma between seeing the Lions and Cowboys lose their games I am hoping some of those assholes that Opted-Out are still trying to reach their destination.  Maybe someone will save you a piece of pumpkin pie…I know I wouldn’t.

Oh…I almost forgot…Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

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